So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vagina just clenched in fear
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
