dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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