Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
