It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
