i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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