They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
