finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize