Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
North Korea, Best Korea!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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