When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Are my feet made of real feet?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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