I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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