last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
