Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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