I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
