Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My feet surprised me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
