does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
