Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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