I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
