those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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