Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
