I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i think im in europe. pls send help
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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