the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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