i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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