i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your cock deserves a montage
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
