I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
