i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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