If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I party with great urgency now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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