WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
