He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize