Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
