I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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