oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize