she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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