Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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