he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
