i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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