the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
