9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize