if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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