Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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