Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
