dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I am morally bankrupt
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
