I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
