im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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