Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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