do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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