***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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