I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
