i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
