i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
