I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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