I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
