I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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