Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In America we eat man semen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
