He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
