Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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