Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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