You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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