I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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