im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
