last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
