went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
