I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
