piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
