he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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