i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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