I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
