thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
