I'm going to jail i love you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
