dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
