Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
