Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
