My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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