Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
