Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
