i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
