I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and she was petting her beer can
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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