I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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