I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize