Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
