I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
