You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
