I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
