THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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