a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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