3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
